There's no "perfect" way to eat intuitively

Stop chasing the perfect approach - and find your path to healing

May 21, 2025

Photo credit: Courtney Brice Photography

When you’ve spent years in the rigidity of diet culture, it makes sense that your brain might try to apply those same all-or-nothing patterns to something new—like Intuitive Eating. One of the most common misconceptions I hear from clients is the belief that Intuitive Eating has a "right" way to be done, and that any deviation from this path is a sign of failure (cue the shame spiral).

This belief can turn a healing, flexible framework into another self-imposed cage. It strips away the self-compassion and nuance at the heart of this approach and replaces it with guilt, shame, and perfectionism. As a Registered Clinical Counsellor and Certified Intuitive Eating Counsellor, I see this myth show up all the time in my work with clients. Let’s dismantle it, shall we?!

Myth #4: Intuitive Eating must be done perfectly to work.

ie. If you eat emotionally, eat past fullness, or forget your hunger cues, you’re failing.

This myth often arises in clients who are working hard to leave diet culture behind, but unknowingly bring along the internalized rules, fear, and pressure to perform wellness "correctly."

Why This Myth Hurts

Trying to do Intuitive Eating perfectly can create a new kind of stress—the pressure to eat intuitively "enough," move in a way that feels perfectly joyful all the time, and always listen to hunger and fullness cues. It becomes a quiet new rulebook that can trigger the same shame cycles as dieting once did.

This mindset also tends to ignore the reality of being human: sometimes we eat for comfort, sometimes we miss a cue, sometimes we make choices based on convenience that don’t really “work” for our bodies. That doesn’t mean we’ve failed—it means we’re human - doing our best.

What the Research Actually Says

Rigid dietary restraint is associated with increased psychological distress and disordered eating behaviors (Herman & Polivy, 2008). On the other hand, flexible eating patterns—like those supported by Intuitive Eating—are linked to better emotional well-being, higher body satisfaction, and improved dietary habits over time (Tylka et al., 2015).

Perfectionism in eating often correlates with lower self-esteem and higher levels of shame, which can interfere with one's ability to make sustainable, health-supportive choices (Bardone-Cone et al., 2010). Importantly, shame-based approaches are less effective for long-term behavior change than those that foster autonomy and self-compassion (Neff, 2011).

How to Break Free from this Myth

Here are a few ways to bring flexibility, compassion, and curiousity back into your practice:

Notice your inner dialogue when you eat emotionally, miss a hunger cue, or eat beyond fullness. Can you shift from judgment to curiosity? Put on the hat of the anthropologist (one of our ally voices in Intuitive Eating), and lean in. What happened? Is there something you can learn? What is it?
Remind yourself that you're not failing—you're learning. Each moment is data, not a moral verdict. The goal in our Intuitive Eating practice is to take this (important) data and integrate it!
Give yourself permission to make mistakes. Healing isn’t linear, and progress isn’t perfection. Actually, “mistakes” are part of the process! They’re opportunities to get curious (without judgment).
Practice self-compassion. Simply notice (without judgment). Recognize that what feels like a “mistake” is a moment of suffering. Reminder yourself that other people struggle with this too (I can validate this, they do — and I do too sometimes! #human). What would you say to a friend who was struggling with this — offer yourself the same kindness.
Embrace the full spectrum of eating experiences—from structured to spontaneous, mindful to messy.

Final Thoughts

You don’t have to get Intuitive Eating perfect. In fact, the pursuit of perfection can derail your progress. As I shared last time, Intuitive Eating invites you to come home to yourself—with curiosity, compassion, and consent. That means letting go of the binary thinking that says you're either succeeding or failing, healthy or unhealthy, doing it right or doing it wrong.

You are allowed to be a work in progress. You are allowed to meet your needs in imperfect, human ways. You are allowed to learn and grow without shame.

Onward in thriving,

Gillian