Feel (all) the feels
(Re)connecting with the felt sense of emotions
The theme of this Substack is thriving. When I introduced the concept in this post, I also introduced the acronym PERMA from Dr. Martin Seligman. According to Dr. Seligman, tending to these 5 key aspects supports flourishing (or thriving).
In case you missed it here are the 5 key aspects:
P - increasing positive emotions
E - engaging with the world through work or recreation
R - developing and maintaining meaningful relationships
M - finding purpose and meaning
A - accomplishing goals
As much as I love the acronym and the idea of tending to these key areas, I have two concerns with the acronym's focus on "positive emotions."
Concern 1: It doesn't also address "negative" emotions. This is tricky, because as you've likely experienced, in the process of living life, even when you're flourishing/ thriving, you're bound to experience a full range of emotions, some of which DON'T feel so ... "positive." By not acknowledging the "negative" emotions, I fear there's a risk that PERMA (and thus thriving) could be interpreted as ignoring, minimizing, or suppressing "negative" emotions.
Concern 2: I don't love the labeling of positive and negative. Emotions can certainly have a valance (a reflection of whether they're pleasant/ unpleasant and the degree of arousal associated). However, labeling them as positive or negative signals to the critical human brain to be judgmental (ie. "I shouldn't feel this way"). And if we're judging our emotions? We're far more likely to ignore, minimize, or suppress them...
This is a problem because we need to FEEL our FEELS...
When it comes to emotional health and well-being, the ability to be aware of (notice), experience (allow), and respond (express, in healthy ways) the full dynamic range of emotions is vital to true emotional health.
Further, there is a cost to avoiding our feelings (nerd out here). Ignoring/ minimizing/ suppressing our feelings puts us at a higher risk of engaging in unhelpful coping strategies like substance use, aggression, or self-harming behaviours.
The good news? We can learn how notice, allow, and express our emotions. And this ability is associated with better mental health and wellbeing!
So while I love the intent of PERMA to tend to increasing positive emotions (YES to this!), I'd also encourage you to tend to and honour ALL emotions.
This starts with NOTICING them.
Having awareness of ALL emotions sounds simple, but developing emotional awareness can be challenging if you've spent a long time ignoring, minimizing, or suppressing them (especially the ones typically labeled as "negative"...hello toxic positivity, diet culture, patriarchy, and other systems of oppression). So, where do we begin?!
Feel your feels 101: where do you feel that?
Did you know that each emotion has associated sensations? You've likely not thought about it too much before. But HOW you know you're feeling an emotion, is that it has a distinct bodily sensation that you've learned to label as the emotion.
Note: we're not all 100% the same here, but there are certainly some more 'global' patterns.
So the first step in feeling (all) the feels...is to connect with those sensations. Which means you need to connect with your body.
But this is where we reach another speed bump.
Many folks are walking around pretty disconnected from their bodies.
Why? Connecting with your body sensations/ feelings can be tricky if you have a long history of dieting/ disordered eating/ eating disorder/ ignoring your body cues and/ or you have a trauma history (especially physical trauma).
IMPORTANT: If you are struggling with being in connection with your body, and leaning into this doesn't feel safe for you, I highly recommend working with a qualified therapist to help you re-connect with your body in a trauma-informed way.
If you're ready to re-connect with your body and feel your feels here's your little challenge for the week.
This week, feel the feels. There's no "right way" to do this. Here are some ideas to play with:
"Top Down" approach: when you become aware of an emotion, notice where you feel it in your body (you may choose to make notes so you can start to make a mental map of your emotions).
"Bottom Up" approach: establish a practice of checking in. Rather than waiting for the emotion to arise, set regular times in your day to "check in" with your body. When it's time to check-in, pause, and drop into your body. What do you notice? What sensations are you aware of? Describe them with as much detail as you can - location, texture, colour, intensity, etc. (be creative). If you'd like you can also label it (what emotion would you connect to this body sensation?).
I've included an image below created by artist Avan Muijen (you can check out their beautiful work and emotion-related resources here).
Connect with the body sensations of the CORE emotions (Fear, Anger, Sadness, Disgust, and Joy). Note that the artist has incorporated something they define as "genius." This isn't a core emotion typically referenced in the literature, but I thought the illustration was still worth sharing. Note that the goal here is less about getting the "right name" by whomever's naming convention and more about you connecting with the felt sense of the emotion and how it shows up for you (and most importantly what that emotion is TELLING YOU). But, more on that next week!
Onward in thriving,
Gillian
PS. Next week I'll be taking a look at how we name and be with (allow) emotions (and why this is important). Stay tuned for more tips to THRIVE!
A little about me:
I'm a body-neutral health + fitness coach, turned therapist.
What does that mean? In addition to my degree in Kinesiology, multiple fitness/ health registrations (Personal Trainer, Group Fitness Instructor, Yoga Fitness Leader, Certified Intuitive Eating Counsellor), and 25 years in fitness taking a weight-neutral approach, I've now acquired a Master's in Counselling Psychology and some more cool letters behind my name (RCC, aka. Registered Clinical Counsellor in BC).
Read: I'm a body/mind/ spirit health nerd who is passionate about making a difference! I want to help you not just survive, but THRIVE!
Thanks for being here! I hope you enjoy this weekly-ish Substack!
Feeling inspired? Some ways you can connect with me…
One to one Coaching (for health | fitness | intuitive eating)
One to one Counselling (for folks based in BC, Canada)
Virtual Courses and content (Intuitive Eating | Making the Authentic Health Mindset Shift | Body Positive Fitness Library)
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You’ve always had magical timing! Hope you are travelling well. Would be great to catch up!
Thank you! This article is beautifully timed. Just the boost I needed today!